vetlongwalks home & pf

something doesn't do wonders to the brain. as i mentioned in a previous post, we moved back to our old office in lahug. in as much as i like the building better than the one in banilad, the good thing about this old-new office ends there- it being a better building. the old-new office does not give me a good feeling at all. primarily because i've a lot of wonderful memories the first time we occupied the place. each day, i can't help but think of those good memories and each day i can't help but wish for the old to be back. in the ten months that we were away, a lot of things happened. perhaps this is just a case of wanting too much of the past that can never be reclaimed. oh, really, really bad for my well-being. hopefully, i'd be able to stop myself before blurting out the many things i really want to do and make a fool of myself.

was what i had last night. see, i went home to labangon since my brother was home from diliman. anyway, as i vowed to go cheapskate in order to accommodate my travel plans, i took the jeepney to get myself back to mactan. i rode a 21B jeep from robinsons to get to hi-way mandaue. when we were somewhere in martirez in mabolo, our jeepney driver probably dozed off a bit because he was suddenly surprised to see a honda car in front of us. unable to hit the brake fast enough or avoid the car in front, it collided with a loud bang. the crashing sound was crazy. seriously, being on vehicles that got involved with crashes recently aren't doing good to my little brain. two weeks before, the cab i was in was rear-ended near uclm, just off the old mactan bridge. except for feeling a bit dazed for hitting my forehead on the windshield/dashboard, there was no permanent damage. these days, i hate taking public transportation because i'm half-convinced that i'd figure in another accident...

NOPE. I didn't have my eyebrows shaped nor did I get bangs or have my hair permed [i'm curious to have curly hair, but don't have enough guts to do so, hehe..]. my pet house did. however, this isn't a "new" makeover. when i created this blog, i intended to chronicle the things going on inside my little pet house and the thoughts that ran through my head while i'm here. but have never really been true to this blog's goal. so i'm going to remedy it starting with this little post, albeit this is late, but who's keeping tabs?? anyhow, you be the judge at my little attempt at room makeover. how do i fare? this is how my unit looked like when i first got the keys of the property this is what i changed it to.. 1) room color - i forgot the exact paint color. i picked a vibrant color as i'd be living alone. this is a happy color for me. 2) book shelf - very first piece of furniture i bought so my books will have their proper pedestal. the size was j...

the page on my screen shows an article about the history of pseudonym. on the upper right corner of the screen, there's an ad of a book. the book is entitled "look at me now." hmmm...the title gave me pause. i got distracted by it. look at me now. it got me thinking. what will people see see when they look at me? what could possibly run in other people's minds when they look at me? what do i want people to see when they look at me? as i pound on the keys of my keyboard, i'm becoming aware that my mind is empty. it doesn't have a specific picture of what it is that i want people to see when they look at me. could that non-existing picture be a problem? but a problem as regards to what? hmmm... another case of my mental wanderings... i tend to do more of this lately. i wonder why.

it amazes me how the human brain can conjure "what if" scenarios. most often, the scenarios are grim. they are so horrible that most of the time the person becomes paralyzed by fear. if the brain has this much capability to think of different scenarios, why is it that the tendency of most people is to think those which are very negative? why is it so hard to think of the positive things in the spectrum? if it's possible to believe that much negativity, how come believing in the positive with equal force takes a lot of effort?

over the past years, i've had negative thoughts about my future. the thoughts range from growing old alone, seeing him with a wife and kids, to new sickness that seems to sprout one after the after. generally, thoughts of a grim future due to my beautiful u problem. i'm not proud to have had these thoughts. but they did occur to me especially when i let my mind loose. then last feb. 10 - i attended a healing mass conducted by fr. fernando suarez. in his homily, he talked about 'perspective'. i don't know if it was coincidence or divine intervention but his talk about perspective gave me the creeps. see, i have a college friend whom i keep on advising to "get perspective" on her situation. to look at her life differently and see things in an entirely different light. then there was fr. suarez talking about 'perspective' like i said. i felt God used fr. suarez to deliver my own message of "perspective' to ME. it was as if, i needed fr. suare...

by month's end, we will be returning to our old office back in lahug. apart from i'd be spending more on fare when we return to lahug, i am really not excited about the move. foremost, i don't like the owners of the building. thankfully, i don't have to deal with them. but the ultimate reason i dread returning to the old place is because i've had good memories [also sad] back there. it was there that i learned that i could really be brave amidst possible humiliation. i learned that i could uphold the truth even if it's something that's difficult to do. from that lesson on truth and courage, i found a friend in one person. we don't have a special relationship. ours is not a relationship between couples in love. it's just different. it has no label and it doesn't have a future. yet, we're okay with it. it's in that place that i've had long talks with him. it was there that we enjoyed sharing food, good laughs, and all things connected t...