changing perspective
over the past years, i've had negative thoughts about my future. the thoughts range from growing old alone, seeing him with a wife and kids, to new sickness that seems to sprout one after the after. generally, thoughts of a grim future due to my beautiful u problem. i'm not proud to have had these thoughts. but they did occur to me especially when i let my mind loose.
then last feb. 10 - i attended a healing mass conducted by fr. fernando suarez. in his homily, he talked about 'perspective'. i don't know if it was coincidence or divine intervention but his talk about perspective gave me the creeps. see, i have a college friend whom i keep on advising to "get perspective" on her situation. to look at her life differently and see things in an entirely different light. then there was fr. suarez talking about 'perspective' like i said. i felt God used fr. suarez to deliver my own message of "perspective' to ME. it was as if, i needed fr. suarez to say those words so that i too may believe and heed my own advice. i'm guilty to having a perspective of a gloomy future, alone and sick. when i listened to fr. suarez' homily, a realization hit me: all these years, i've considered myself as one sickly person. a person with one little symptoms after another - the kind that doesn't stop. i've never treated myself as one healthy human being. i've always thought of myself as physically weak. so yeah, it hit me. i should change this perspective. i should think of being healed, feeling the healing occurring in every cell of my body now, and basically leading a normal pain-free life. this much i know. it will be difficult for me to do, especially if my symptoms manifest - but i'd like to think things differently. it may sound crazy and preposterous, but each day i will say this mantra, "my body is healing now. i am healed." perhaps the number of times i will say these will allow me to believe about the possibility of things.
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back in my early twenties, my perspective was: there's infinite possibilities out to be discovered. sickness happened and my perspective was changed. i lost the girl who believe in ALL good things about life. i'm no longer a twenty-something person, but i hanker to have her back. so yeah, i'll start thinking about a beautiful future for me. again, it will be difficult, but i will definitely try.
then last feb. 10 - i attended a healing mass conducted by fr. fernando suarez. in his homily, he talked about 'perspective'. i don't know if it was coincidence or divine intervention but his talk about perspective gave me the creeps. see, i have a college friend whom i keep on advising to "get perspective" on her situation. to look at her life differently and see things in an entirely different light. then there was fr. suarez talking about 'perspective' like i said. i felt God used fr. suarez to deliver my own message of "perspective' to ME. it was as if, i needed fr. suarez to say those words so that i too may believe and heed my own advice. i'm guilty to having a perspective of a gloomy future, alone and sick. when i listened to fr. suarez' homily, a realization hit me: all these years, i've considered myself as one sickly person. a person with one little symptoms after another - the kind that doesn't stop. i've never treated myself as one healthy human being. i've always thought of myself as physically weak. so yeah, it hit me. i should change this perspective. i should think of being healed, feeling the healing occurring in every cell of my body now, and basically leading a normal pain-free life. this much i know. it will be difficult for me to do, especially if my symptoms manifest - but i'd like to think things differently. it may sound crazy and preposterous, but each day i will say this mantra, "my body is healing now. i am healed." perhaps the number of times i will say these will allow me to believe about the possibility of things.
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back in my early twenties, my perspective was: there's infinite possibilities out to be discovered. sickness happened and my perspective was changed. i lost the girl who believe in ALL good things about life. i'm no longer a twenty-something person, but i hanker to have her back. so yeah, i'll start thinking about a beautiful future for me. again, it will be difficult, but i will definitely try.
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